Phoenix rising

So, as the mythology goes the phoenix rises from the ashes of it's own pyre, creating itself anew. In many ways this is so much of what I have been seeing in my own family. Out of strife, despair, hardship, depression and separation from each other, we are beginning anew. Because of the public nature of these posts I will not write about each of my children and their experiences, nor my own specifically as they relate to each child (really adults all). But I have and will continue to share with family and close friends the specifics as they thankfully help me to learn and grow as well. Recently, we all spent a week at the shore which was a very fun and renewing time for us. Yes, there were tears both of joy and sorrow, but I believe we have come together in love and support, stronger than ever. Perhaps this is wishful thinking or naivete on my part, but I do believe for the most part this is true. There is a lot of hard work in front of us to try to put our past into it's rightful place, but this will only come with time and therapy. Yes, therapy. I was recently told that we all need therapy if for no other reason than to vent and have someone not embedded in the situation help to clarify. Now it just a matter of finding the time to do so. I will though. I know I am hopping around a bit, but today began a very busy week of professional development. Today began working with a fellow librarian to show her the ins and outs of her library management system, something with which I am all too familiar. Of course the two of us couldn't stay on topic as we both have minds that are always 5 steps ahead and into something else. But, I think it was worthwhile. My friend told me about a tool for making badges that I will use for my Research class students as a means of formative assessment. In other words as students progress through the process of note taking or thesis statements or web analysis, these badges will be given by me to them, and they in turn can post them on their blog (also a class requirement) for others to see. Here is an example...not perfect, but I hope a good first shot at this.

Thanks again for reading...as always.

Abuse

These are times when I know I should write, but do not know where to begin. How to explain mental abuse? How to explain trauma? Why does anyone feel the need to injure and devastate those he loves? Perhaps this is some flaw from within, or a reflection of pains unknown. What I do know is that mental illness needs to be talked about more in our community -- schools, houses of worship, and homes. Somewhere the ball is being dropped as there are still so many stigmas attached to seeking help through therapy. Why? If someone recognizes a problem, whether it is physical or mental, they should seek help. Yes? We should be celebrating the recognition of problems recognized and treated. But we don't. Therapy still lurks in dirty little shadows. "What if someone finds out?" "What can someone possibly tell me?" We need to LISTEN more to each other. My desire to hurt anyone that hurts those I love is such an open wound right now. But instead I will revel in the capacity for those hurt to rally and not give credence to the abuser. We stay strong and loving in the knowledge that we are here for each other as family. I will never have real answers to the questions above. I do have faith though, in the capacity of love and therapy to heal, and to find strength in each other and in the universal good that is humanity. Thanks again for reading my very preachy post today.

Winding down?

School is over...or so they say. Really, just the students are gone, which has allowed me the time to get so many other things done. Prior to students leaving I was juggling so many things -- inventory, updating collection, genrefying fiction, weeding the collection, and prepping to move the entire library around. Oh, and that's right, collating resources to use for my fall research class. Got inventory done. Hallelujah! Genrefying classifications are 75% done thanks to my student assistants. Got weeding sort of done -- reference weeds need to be out-processed, but this can be done any old time as there is no rush. I started shuffling the collections (F vs. NF) around during the half days but came to a stand still until I could physically begin moving bookcases. Let me tell you. You haven't worked out until you have loaded and unloaded about 12500 books, then removed shelves from bookcases (3 double-sided ranges apiece, with 5-6 shelves per range) and then pushed the bookcases to their new location. Then, of course, you reverse the process. So...three days later this is done. Lets see...where am I now? Well, with the move around and inventory out of the way I feel I have at least finished a couple of things. I now spend my evenings changing call numbers to match the genres assigned for each fiction title. For instance if there is a science fiction book classed as F Bra, it has to be changed to F SCIF Bra. Fun eh? Yes the good times never stop. I have tons of 'stuff' collated for my research class...maybe too much stuff. I really need to sit down and organize and structure things in a realistic manner. I find that I have a hard time doing this at home. I lose focus, getting distracted by the dogs, or beautiful days or anything. So, tomorrow I'm headed back into school to try to find some focus for a day. I'll be heading to the shore soon and want to know that I have at least begun this process. I will enjoy my vacation much more. Then, when I come back I'll really dive into that project. Yes, I like so many teachers across America have my summer "OFF". Yeah...I think that since I have begun working in education I have truly had but 4 summers completely off across my 18 years. I am not complaining though as I have always enjoyed my summer coursework and other summer projects. Learning, as we try to embed in our students, is a lifelong process. Meanwhile, at the homefront, all three of my children are now in the same zipcode...for 3 weeks or so. The happiness this brings to me is immeasurable. This is home. We are all home. Not forever, nor for even a month, but for now. Sharing memories and chuckling over the many foibles of childhood, and making new memories. We are each so different, but when we are all together see ourselves in each other. Family. There is nothing in this world that means more. This is true for all of my family -- brothers, sister, niece, nephews, and the multitude of cousins -- who I spend less time with than I should. I know this, and yet I find myself distracted by my life. The aforementioned work, daily worries about income/expense ledger, my own laziness, and the certainty that they will all always be there. But they won't be, and as I write this I am going to make a pledge to myself to be a better communicator with all of my family. So...those of you reading this that are my family, look out! Here I come...but only because I love you. Well, as always, thank you for reading my rants and raves :)

Gnats and Genres

I am happy to say that thus far it has been a wonderful but very busy week. Over this past weekend I put up the pool and did some trimming of bushes and beds. Things are looking decent now, and will look better then I get the wheelbarrow out of the front yard. Why is it there you ask? Well, there are these little, nasty little creatures called gnats who absolutely took the pleasure out of the yard work. These bugs travel in swams and just love sweaty, stinky people which was definitely my state of affairs at the time. Everyone always says "They're just gnats. They won't hurt you." WRONG!!! The suckers bite worse than some mosquitoes because the itch and pain just goes on and on and on. My right ear looks like I've been boxing for my entire life. So, I finally got sick of them and left things 3/4 done, with the wheelbarrow full of weeds in the front yard. Tacky...nothing like some of those beautiful floral wheelbarrows that you find in some yards. It just looks like crap. Now of course it's been raining all week, so it is all wet and looking even worse. My poor neighbors. Hopefully it will be clearer this weekend so I can finish the job -- clothed in long sleeves, long pants and lots of bug spray. Don't know why I have spent so much time dwelling on this other than that I am still scratching all over. ARGH! My library inventory is now complete, with many thanks to a group of students who asked to help. How awesome is that? They think it's fun! Now they're helping me to genrefy my collection -- we're noting genres for every fiction book, and in the fall will put stickers on the books and organize them by genre instead of strict author alpha. They're so excited about the idea and helping, and want to become 'official' library helpers next year. WOW!! I am bowled over. And, as if their excitement about this isn't enough, now they and my morning library regulars asked if "we" can have a party to celebrate the end of a fun school year. They don't want me to bring anything but myself. How cool is that? I'm just a happy camper, and will be bringing monkey bread to the festivities. Weeding is done for the year, although there is a lot of prepping for disposal still to be done. I went to see "Maleficent" last evening with a good friend. We went to a place called the Movie Tavern where you get to sit in really comfy chairs, drinking adult beverages and having dinner while watching the movies. Always lots of fun. Also, there is a Chico's right across the street and I walked out of there with more than $350 clothes and earrings for $135. Love their sales. Maleficent was fun...very limited dialog but still entertaining. It is an interesting twist to the classic fairy tale, and definitely a chick flick. The very best part, and simultaneously the most embarrassing part of my week was a post that my 1st born child placed on Facebook. It literally brought me to tears. As parents we feel comfortable in the knowledge that our children love us, and hope they understand that our love for them is never ending. For most of us I would assume that a day rarely goes by that we don't state that love to each other. But seeing me through her eyes, in writing, in such a public form overwhelmed me. She was so right that I am more of a wallflower person...I much prefer watching goings on than actively participating until I am VERY comfortable in the setting or in my knowledge of something. So having this out there makes me feel a bit awkward. But Sas, if you are reading this, I'll deal. I know that I need to be more comfortable with myself mentally, emotionally and physically, but sometimes it's a hard sell. This is largely why I am writing this blog and putting it out there for the world, although I can't imagine too many people actually read my drive. Change is good and I am doing my best to adapt. Life is fun if you let it be! Thanks for reading :)

A Bit of a whine

Once again, time has gotten away from me. I have started to write something several times but have not been happy with the way it sounds or looks. This is ridiculous as it should be whatever it is. So, here goes again. Summary of these past few weeks: * Books, books, books and more books. Weeding, reading shelves, and inventory. With this comes sore hands...every blasted year. * Technology...Google applications for my use now and next year for teaching and website. I have more sites bookmarked than I could possibly ever use. Is there such a thing as a website hoarder? Maybe this is a new variant of the hoarder illness. Guess I'll have to Google it! :) * Home life...a mixed bag of happy and sad, as is life always. My happiest news of this period is that over Memorial Day weekend my son, who serves in the military, came back to these United States. I cannot possibly overstate how happy this makes me, just knowing that he is within driving distance. Even if it takes several days to do so. The saddest is that once again the person who has the ability to harm the most is at it again. Sometimes I feel that I made the worse decision of my life marrying this man, while simultaneously recognizing that he was not always this mercurial. And, what would life be like without the wonderful children that we share. Yin/yang. Good/bad. My mother always told me that life is ALWAYS about taking the good with the bad and vice-versa. They key, I suppose, is to try to shift that balance with more good than bad, yes? This is what I am striving for in life, and hopefully this is what I will eventually achieve. I am thankful to see more snippets of happiness than sadness. But, when such negativity is thrown at my children from one who should be loving and supportive, I just want to scream. But, all of my children are adults, and can more than cope with any vicissitudes (how many points for this word in Scrabble?) that come their way, with the support of each other and good friends and family. I know this, so I step back. If I am needed I will be asked, and this is as it should be. When I want to lash out at he who vexes, I step back from this too. Why waste any more energy? And really, what comes from anger? There is no satisfaction to be had there. Rather, I write this missive that you are kind enough to read. Back to the up side, I had a lot of fun this weekend. I began my DIY project of replacing my deck with TREX. Bought 4 boards last weekend (that stuff is expensive), and will do so again this weekend. A few at a time and it doesn't seem as painful. I wish I was better at this stuff, but there is a lot of satisfaction in the learning and in the doing. I also enjoyed time with my family and a mutual friend this weekend. Ate, drank, sang and danced. You can't beat that! I will continue to pray for the wisdom to move through all and focus on the uptick of goodness and happiness in my life -- the love of my family, the gratification of my work, the support of good friends, and hopefully the grace that continues to come with age. Thank you again for reading. p.s. As I was doing inventory today, with vertigo to beat the band (cannot wait to see the ENT tomorrow), I deleted 666 titles instead of inventorying them. A real WTF moment that any of you librarians out there will no doubt relate. Now to add them back...sigh.......

A Gift of time

So today, which should have been an ordinary, busy day in the library turned out to be a gift of time for me. Instead of weeding my collection, circulating books, or working with students on oh so many things, I had an opportunity to sit at my desk and plan. Why? Because yesterday afternoon I was told that our school PTO would be having their annual Teacher Appreciation Day luncheon. I have to admit that I was a bit peeved at first as it meant kicking classes out of the library for the day without any notice -- I would have much preferred to have blocked out the day in advance, but so it goes. Here or the high school PTOs do as they will.
That said, it was an an AMAZING, SCRUMPTIOUS lunch. These ladies went above and beyond to show their support for us, and I think I can speak for all of us faculty when I say that it was much appreciated. This PTO is so supportive of the school and its many programs and classes. We are very fortunate to have them indeed.
But I digress. While noshing and noshing and noshing some more (weight loss, what?) I went through binders and texts and websites and put together an outline for the 'Advanced Research' class that I will be teaching next year. I would share, but I need to meet with my Principal first to be certain that we are on the same page. Needless to say I will be integrating technology, hopefully seamlessly, into my class. Rubrics were a big worry for me, but I have found a few that I can adapt to my needs. To all of you teachers out there on the web, THANK YOU for sharing so generously. Your selflessness makes developing engaging lesson plans fun in a quirky kind of way. So once I have made it through the first cycle of classes I will post my successes and failures so that others may use or lose what I have done. Spoiler alert (yes, I am channeling River Song for you Whovians out there)...BADGES! I cannot wait to play with these with my students. I just hope that they like them as much as I am liking making them. Once I am happy I will share a couple with you.
Thank you for reading!

One wonderful weekend!

So, I am still feeling that journaling urge from Campowerment. So here goes another moment's thoughts. I sit this evening being thankful again for the many blessings in my life. This past weekend was an affirmation of both life and love. Saturday I attended my first EdCamp and left so excited and energized with where my library life is heading. Sunday was my niece's bridal shower. What a beautiful and happy affirmation of life at a time when the loss of a loved one was still so raw for so many. Then, this evening I spent with my youngest having dinner and a drink at a local watering hole. We can talk and listen about concerns great and small, laugh, and love. This evening it was with her, another soon I'm sure will be with her sister (w/wo her husband), or her brother. Is there anything better or more important in life than this? If so, I cannot imagine what.
Thanks for reading.